Samuel

Lately Samuel has been amazing me- in both good and bad ways! His strong will continues to be a challenge... when told to go to timeout, he likes to reply "No, YOU go to time out! I don't like you!" And sometimes I want to say "PLEASE! Please, send me to time out where I can't do anything and no one can bother me!" So we keep working on this.

We have had some interesting conversations recently. This week he told me he wants to have or adopt a younger brother/sister. He has been saying lately that he is sad that he isn't bigger than C. Jimmy is worried that all of his fears about birth order are coming in to play. I am not sure that I totally buy into it all- is Samuel going to be messed up because we have a child of the opposite gender eight years older than him in the family for now? I had been campaigning that it wasn't a big issue, but his questions surprised me.

Since C moved in, Samuel has been quick to tell her that he loves her and that she is beautiful. I think it is one way God is showing her His lavish love- through a little five year old. It would be awkward for her if I said that to her as often as Sammy does, but he just keeps at it with his disarming innocence. This week he said "C, my heart loves your heart." I about melted. We have been discussing how you love people for their heart- not what they look like or what they have or what they do.

That's all from here- happy Labor Day!

I Should Be Icing Cupcakes

Tomorrow ends a week of 5th birthday celebrations for Sammy. We do birthdays well around here. We had an extended family get together last week, pizza dinner on his actual birthday, Grandma Mary and cousins in town this weekend and a little friend get together tomorrow. On top of which, my classes started, so it has been a long, full, but good week. I should be icing cupcakes, but instead I'm on the computer ensuring that I stay up later than I should. Tonight I have some ugliness to process.

I read this blog post on adoption this week and there was one quote that helped my square my shoulders and continue on. It said this:

"Put Feelings on a back-burner. This is not the time for Feelings. If you could express your feelings right now, you’d be saying things like, “Oh my God, I must have lost my mind to think that I can handle this, to think that I wanted a child like this. I’ll never manage to raise this child; I’m way way way way over my head. I’ll never spend time with my spouse or friends again; my older children are going to waste away in profound neglect; my career is finished. I am completely and utterly trapped.” You see? What’s the point of expressing all that right now? Put Feelings in the deep freeze. Live a material life instead: wake, dress, eat, walk. Let your hands and words mother the new child, don’t pause to look back, to reflect, or to experience emotions. “Shut up, Emotions,” you’ll say. “I’ll check back with you in six months to see if you’ve pulled yourselves together. But no whining meanwhile!”

Although we aren't adopting, this paragraph encouraged me. Sometimes my feelings lead me astray. I start having doubts - "Lord, did I hear you right? Is this really worth it? Am I ever going to have a conversation with my husband where one of us isn't falling asleep? Is Sammy being corrupted because he knows the lyrics to a Rhianna song? Can I handle one more interaction where I am giving/doing/saying kind things and I get coldness in response? I am going to blow up!" It hasn't been pretty. The emotional fortitude required in parenting preteens is intense. I find myself more impatient with the boys than I should be, largely because I'm using a lot of patience with C. or I'm frustrated that I haven't had any time with Jimmy. And let's be even more honest... some days it is hard to love a child well who doesn't respond much or give any outward signs that she cares and is probably going home at some point.

BUT. There is always a but. I have these little moments... like on the way home from church when all THREE kiddos were singing Chris Tomlin's song "Our God" in the backseat (ok, Andy doesn't qualify as singing, but he was making noise along with the music)... or when via text message C shares something REAL that is on her heart and lets me "in" to her head/heart for a moment... or when C found out that she made a lead part in the school musical! She is SUPER excited and told me she is glad I encouraged her to try out (and by encourage I mean that she said she didn't like the music and wasn't doing it and I gave her a long, annoying lecture about trying new things and meeting new people and she was ticked, but got over it and decided to try out!). The grammar in this paragraph is atrocious, but my point is that I am thankful for these little moments. I am holding on to them because they remind me that God's story for my life is good... even when I am not sure what to do with all of the plot twists!

OK, back to cupcakes!!

School days

This year was my first experience getting a child off to school. I have been on the other side a lot- worked schedule pick up, prepped my classroom, smelled that "first day of school clean" (before it starts smelling like stinky boys after gym class!). But this was my first year to buy school supplies, school clothes, stand in lines for schedule pick-up, etc. I was in awe of the amount of money it takes to go to free, public school. School supplies, backpack, yearbook, lunch $ (and C gets free lunch... but she needs snack bar money, too, right?), planner, gym clothes, orchestra music... and the list goes on! We tried to make "back to school" a big deal- dinner out, waffles for breakfast, pictures- the whole nine yards. I want her to see the value of education and to keep it fun! I think C had a good first week of school. Jimmy and I are both talkers and she isn't as much. I want to hear every detail of the day, but try not to pepper her with too many questions :).

The boys are not doing any kind of preschool. I agonized over this decision, but since I'm continuing to teach Tu/Th afternoons, they will have time with our fabulous nanny/sitter. I don't want to send them anywhere on M/W since those are the days we'll have to be home together and on Fridays we are doing a little homeschool cohort group. It's a bit of an experiment with a bunch of first time homeschooling moms. Most of the moms have kindergarteners or kids like Sammy, who just missed the kindergarten cutoff. So, I'm not saying we are homeschooling forever, but we're going to dabble in it this year and I'm excited about it.

However, I'm also super happy to have the opportunity to continue teaching part time. I went up to school to do some paperwork and had pangs of regret about giving up my full time position. I know it is the right thing, but wow, I really do love a lot of things about that place.

After court we have heard nothing else about the case. The lack of communication is one of the most frustrating parts of the foster care system- lack of communication with the foster parents and between all of the other entities. As I said before, we take it one day at a time!

Court

We head back to court tomorrow. I am nervous, although I know that C will stay with us for now. This is basically a "case review". They will set another court date for three months down the road and unless a family member pushes for custody sooner, C will be here. Court still makes me nervous because it can be intimidating and awkward. It is also frustrating because as a foster parent, I feel like I have little control. Not just "feel like", it's the reality. There are so many people involved- therapists, case workers, GAL, judge, parent aid- and they all get input into the case. I, however, do not. There is an optional foster parent form you can fill out to submit to court and that is about it.

In all of our training, we learned that the family is always given preference and that reunification is the goal. At first I was bothered by how many chances the court gives to the families of children in foster care, but I understand it. To take away parental rights is a HUGE deal and the court has to be darn sure that termination of parental rights is in the best interest of the child. I think that too many chances are given, but I understand that kids love their parents- regardless of what they have been through- just because they are their parents. It is just hard to cheer lead the parents/family sometimes.

So, I'm having a week of not being able to "let go and let God" with all of this. Some days, we are just family. I can go a few days without thinking about court, case workers, etc., and just enjoy hearing my boys and C laugh (or hearing my boys annoy C, which is more likely the case!). Then there are weeks like this when it seems full of appointments and unknowns and I am consumed. Thankfully school starts next week for C and my classes the week after, so the return to routine will be good and a good distraction!

Hello, August

I can't believe that August is already here. The summer has flown. On the last day of school for C, foster daughter, I was nervous about what we'd do all summer and now it is almost over.

I said before that I started blogging again to share our fostering experience, to help me process and to hopefully demystify or take some of the "scary" out of foster parenting for those who might be considering it. We are four months in to this placement and I find that there are things I want to share that I probably shouldn't in this very public forum. I have written drafts of posts a couple of times and then my hubby says "You can't publish that!" I have followed the rules about not posting pictures or not sharing specifics about her case. However, I'm finding that four months in to this placement, there are things I'd love to share about what I'm learning and how things are going in our home, but can't out of respect to her and her family. Anyways, I am going to continue writing, but going to make the blog private. I hope to eventually give her excerpts of what I've written as an encouragement to her- a record of this incredibly challenging time in her life. If you want to follow along, let me know and I'll add you to the reader list. I know that means you'd actually have to go to the blog and not just look at it in Reader. No pressure, because quite honestly, I probably wouldn't have the time (or remember!) to do that! I will probably resurface to the public blog world when we know more about the case or when we are done with this placement.

Thanks, all!

P.S. Thanks for all of the fun postcards that keep coming in- we have NY, California, Colorado, New Jersey, Illinois, South Dakota, Louisiana and probably some others I'm forgetting. On our way to the lake this week, Samuel kept asking me what city and state we were in... he is still a little fuzzy on the difference between city, state and country, but this project has him thinking! Thanks again!

TGIF

It's Friday!

Since I'm home all summer, it seems weak to say "TGIF", but I am thankful for the weekend nonetheless. It means Jimmy's home and, as of late, we've had less going on during the weekends than during the week. The weeks continue to be full of appointments for our foster daughter and summer fun. This week we added a rush hour hit and run accident to the mix of "fun"- Jimmy is fine, thank God, but his car is not.

Let's focus on more fun things... in keeping with TGIF, here are a TWO things I'm thankful for today...

1) Olympics! I love the competition, the athletes' stories and even the cheesy/inspiring commercials. I also love all of these crazy moms who have time to make cool Olympic activities that I can then steal/borrow. I just stumbled on to this 3 Dinosaurs blog that has a bunch of Olympic themed kid ideas. Thank you, Mrs. 3 Dinosaurs Super Mom, for sharing!

2) Church camp/lake week! Next week our foster daughter is going to church camp. I'm super thankful for the student ministry crew who has welcomed her and supported us so much already. I am thrilled that she feels comfortable enough to go! So she has a week of playing in the lake (it's a former Kanakuk Kamp so there is every kind of fun activity there) and hearing good, encouraging, challenging teaching. And I get a few days at my parents' lake house with the boys, which leaves my hubby as a bachelor at home. I know, must be rough. I think it will be a good week for all!

P.S. We got more postcards this week- Colorado and South Dakota. Have you heard of the Corn Palace in South Dakota? I had not and was intrigued! We watched a video about it on the internet and Samuel was pretty impressed. Thanks, Mary and Erin!!

Post card lessons...

We have started receiving post cards and Samuel loves getting the mail. We have a map and are putting up the post cards around the map with string between the card and the state on the map. We've had some very simplistic geography and history discussions so far. Thanks to those helping us- you are making learning fun!

Here are our first two post cards- thanks, John!

John is a friend from my high school days. I met him when Manu, my AFS (foreign exchange) sister from Brazil, dated him. He is partially to blame for my love for the Spanish language and travel. Samuel loved the Postagram postcards with pics of Chip- John's childhood stuffed monkey (I think that's what Chip is??) visiting the places. I know I'm a "late adapter" when it comes to technology, but the Postagram ap is pretty cool! When you sign up you get 5 free postcards, so if anyone wants to send us postcards using the ap, that would be awesome, too! You can use your own photos that way :).

And our second two postcards came from Liz in New Jersery. Liz and I were roommates during a study abroad program in Seville, Spain. We became fast friends and travel buddies. Muchas gracias, Liz!

I have no idea why Samuel posed like he's going to karate chop me, but it was the best we could do :). Thanks again for the help!

P.S. Update on the hair crisis (with our foster daughter) I referenced in the previous post- I am not lying when I said the hair was stressing me out! I almost kissed the stylist at our appointment on Saturday for doing some super cute and stylish braids that will be perfect for the HOT weather and church camp. Hair crisis averted... at least for now. We got more tips about how to handle it "natural". Thank the Lord, seriously.

Hair Conundrum

I had a few stressful moments this week totally related to hair. Sounds ridiculous, right? I have an entirely new respect for African American women who wear their hair natural. As a foster mom, it is important to me that our kiddo knows that she is well cared for and that others can tell this as well. For a preteen girl, this includes having cute hair, so I am determined to learn and get this right!

For the first few months, we had microbraids- recommended to us by an African American woman. The braids were pretty, but expensive ($220!! and another $50 to get taken out) and also a little rough on her hair. Upon taking them out, I got nervous. So I dutifully signed up for the "ethnic hair care class" offered by Children's Division. The teacher of the class was very informative. I took copious notes while casting my fear of looking stupid to the wind and asking lots of questions much to the entertainment of the others in the class. Jimmy's comment was "I learned one thing. This is really complicated." The class focused on natural hair care and not getting hair relaxed to avoid chemicals and to help hair be healthier and grow more. So my initial plan went out the window and we decided to give natural a try. All was well until the first shower when I realized what kind of curly hair we are dealing with. Yikes. So I jumped into action... and we watched the entire movie Slumdog Millionaire while I combed out hair and tried to help her tame her locks.

Thanks to the class and a friend's recommendation of the website Chocolate Hair Vanilla Care I have purchased all of the right products, but I'm still nervous. We are not good at styling and I have to say that the two trips we've made to salons have been a bit intimidating. I'm the only white girl in the room and I'm asking lots of questions. I understand the stylists I'm interacting with may not be used to this dynamic, but I'm trying to communicate "I care about this girl and I want to learn to do this right!" It's just a little annoying when I get the vibe that they don't care to help much! I am not deterred and have been asking for advice from African American women I know and even some I don't know!

Just another learning experience in this foster parenting adventure!

Geography Project HELP

To my friends/family who live out of state... want to make this cute boy's day??

Samuel LOVES getting mail. If you live out of state, this is my plea for you to help us by sending us some! This fall I'm attempting to dabble a bit in some homeschooling stuff with Samuel. I know, I know- I'm a proponent and employee of the public school system. My private school educated husband has heard me defend public school for ten years. However, as it gets closer to Sammy entering school, I have a new perspective. I know class sizes are up in the public schools and that standardized testing is driving curriculum choices like never before. As a teacher/mom, I'm torn. SO, since this is his last year before kindergarten, we're going to give it a try and maybe do it a year or two. Or maybe I'll be frustrated by October and he'll be happily enrolled in public school next fall... we shall see!

All of this to say that I'm working on a little USA geography project for Samuel. If anyone in another state would be willing to send me a postcard or two showcasing famous things from your state (and maybe with a note telling a little bit about where you live), I would be super grateful! If you want us to send you Missouri postcards, we would gladly do so. Contrary to popular belief, Missouri is an interesting place, I promise!

If you are interested and need my address, leave your email in the comments and I'll send it your way. Muchas gracias.

Friday Fun

Two things that made me smile this week....

1) A card from my mom

On the outside the card read "Motherhood. It's not rocket science." and inside said "It's brain surgery on astronauts during a lunar launch while reciting the Declaration of Independence backwards-only with less logic." It made me laugh out loud. Some days, it feels just like that!

2) American Idol concert!

Our whole family (minus Andy) went to the concert last night. This was Samuel's first concert experience. We had watched the whole American Idol season this spring. Samuel and our foster daughter enjoyed the show so it became a weekly family bonding event. The concert ended up being great- lots of talented musicians. Afterwards we heard the contestants were signing autographs so we braved the line and met all of them except for Phillip Phillips (who apparently wasn't feeling well). Our foster daughter was squealing and about passed out (her words!) when she met Joshua Ledet. Samuel liked Colton (he was really intrigued by his spiked hair) and wanted to meet him. I respect Colton for being open about his faith. Samuel was a hit with the contestants- probably because he was the youngest fan and we were the parents who let our four year old stay up until 11 gathering autographs. It was worth it- even Sammy's crankiness today from sleep deprivation! The contestants were all really personable. Such a fabulous night!

One for the books

Well, the last week or so has been one for the books.

I believe that when Romans 8:28 says that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him, it is true all the time. Believing that and walking it out are two different stories, but He's given me another situation to work on it. I found out that I was pregnant a couple of weeks ago (surprise!!) and then miscarried a week later and I haven't been sure how to process it. I have done the roller coaster of infertility, adoption and now foster care. The miscarriage has been another roller coaster experience. I went from being shocked and then anxiously/excitedly pregnant (thinking about 3 kiddos under 5 + a preteen!!) to asking God "Ok, what was that about? What am I suppsed to learn here?"

In the same week, I have had some heavy conversations with our foster kiddo. In our foster parent training, they talked about how important it is to support the child's family and to not speak poorly of them. I am seeing that played out as she grapples with how to love her family, feel loyal to them and still let us embrace her and care about her. This is not an easy task for a child. She needs to hear me say that we are not trying to take her family's place. And we aren't. I was afraid of foster care when we first discussed it because I didn't want to "share" kids and have to let them go. But there is such a blessing in being able to be a tiny little part of a child's fragile restoration. To love the child in my home well, I have to love her family well.

I don't have the answers to our latest roller coaster ride or how to ease this child's heartache. Not going to lie, I'm emotionally drained, but there is peace and comfort in surrender. That is the only thing I can land on as I process the past couple of weeks. I am too tired to even try to understand what He's been bringing in my path lately. Instead, I attempt to yet again surrender my control, my agenda, my impatience, my entitlement, my expectations, my anger and frustration. Again. So here we go, Lord, thankful for another day- and never a dull moment!

Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Making the statistics real

Thought this article did a good job of breaking down adoption/orphan statistics in a way that personalizes them- read it here!

Happy 4th!

We just returned from a 5 day trip to my parents' lakehouse. It was our first trip with my whole family (us, parents + brother). It was a fun long weekend- sunny weather, great boating and wonderful company. I can say I actually water skied. I had done it at the age of ten for about 30 seconds, but hadn't attempted it since then. Thanks to the patience of my Dad, Jimmy and I both did some skiing (and a lot of falling, too) and have the sore muscles to prove it!

I have a ton of fabulous family photos from our trip, but due to the "rules" of foster parenting, I can't post any with our beautiful foster daughter in them. It feels wrong to post only those without her (and there aren't many of those!) as if she weren't there at all, so I'll stick with this one of me and the hubs!

Pinterest Conquered

I like Pinterest. However, the thing about it is that you see all of these REALLY COOL ideas- food, crafts, decor, clothing, kid activities- and at times it makes me feel like I need to be a Martha Stewart/Chasing Cheerios/Rachel Ray/ homeschooling, interior design guru spiritual fashionista. Clearly, I am not. I look at it more like "In my dream world (one that involved having free time and lots of storage in my home) I'd collect old tshirts to repurpose into baby bibs and have balanced meals every night." In the meantime, I feel like a champion just because I actual DID two cool things I saw on Pinterest. We'll celebrate the small things! Here are my current attempts:
1) 4th of July craft with foster daughter

Source: thrifttown.com via Emily on Pinterest

2) 4th of July yummies with Sammy

Source: allrecipes.com via Emily on Pinterest

These are the pics from Pinterest. Not going to post cute pictures of our final products, because ours aren't this cute and that would involve uploading pictures! Happy 4th of July weekend!

RIP MJ

I was seriously reprimanded for not knowing that the anniversary of Michael Jackson's death was yesterday. Somehow, that one didn't make my calendar. And when I innocently asked "Didn't he die last year?", you would have thought I asked if the grass was blue. In case you were wondering, it has been three years. When I said I like his music, but think he was creepy because of how he was inappropriate with kids, I was "set straight" about he couldn't have really done THAT.

I am up too late tonight because there is a sleepover going on in my basement and the plans for the night included all things MJ: watching The Wiz, making MJ shirts involving puffy paint (middle school flashbacks for me!) and singing MJ songs in his honor. In case you were worried that Michael Jackson wasn't being remembered appropriately, we've got it covered at my house.

Now the real question is if I can go to sleep with the giggling coming from the basement??

Embracing the chaos

I'm type A and so is my husband. No surprise there to anyone who knows us! I'm sure other type A people can relate to the adjustment that is required in being type A and having kids. While I write this, I can see Cheerios on the floor, toys that I cleaned up not that long ago already strewn around the room and breakfast remains still sitting on the table. We attempted to eat out last night at a restaurant that wasn't Chickfila. You know- where they hand you menus and you sit down at a table. We didn't get too crazy- it was a Mexican place 4 minutes from our house, so we were counting on quick service. Every couple of months I forget why we don't eat out any more. Then we attempt it and in the first five minutes I remember. We were that family with two screaming boys during several moments of the meal. You know, that family who leaves a good tip in apology for all of the chips on the floor. I think I'm getting better at embracing the chaos though. I actually still ate, enjoyed my food, didn't get in an argument with my hubby and we had a conversation in between meltdowns. I don't remember what we talked about, but hey... progress!

With each kid, I've tried to consciously let go of more of my expectations for myself, for our family and for the orderliness of the house. I fail often and catch myself getting worked up or stressed out about dumb things (like the amount of fingerprints on windows, refrigerators, dishwashers, any other surface under 3 feet tall!). When kiddo #3 became part of our family for now, I realized that tipping the parent/child ratio has challenges... even though she's not a toddler. I don't have to feed/diaper/etc. her... but there are still more kids than parents. I heard someone say it's like going from man-to-man to zone defense. At a Father's Day function, I caught myself counting "Where's #1? At the pool with adult supervision, check! #2 is being held by Grampa and #3 looks to be doing ok despite being introduced to ten of my family members in one setting!" Phew! I'm sure it will be easier as she gets more settled into our family, but as a mama, I am feeling the additional energy needed to care for 3 instead of 2!

Being a foster parent right now is certainly teaching my things about myself. There are things I thought I was decent at- you know, being patient, not being selfish. Then God brings this new situation and sheds light on just how IMPATIENT and SELFISH I can be. I forget how long it takes to get ready when you are 12. I forget how emotional you can be at 12. I forget how much you can care what your peers think and how "uncool" parents are... especially a foster parent who isn't your same race! So God's using these things to refine me, over and over. I guess that's just how life works... learn something, think I'm "good" at it, then try to apply it at the next situation/level and realize I still have lots to learn!! Ouch.

That's hot!

In honor of Father's Day, I thought I'd borrow Paris Hilton phrase (because who doesn't want to quote her!) and tell you one of the things I find most "hot" about my husband. We met in college- he lived a floor above me. We became friends while volunteering for KLIFE (student ministry in our college town). Middle school students gravitated towards him like magnets... and they still do. He might have scared a few off with outfits like this from his skit days in KLIFE (he's the one on the right): He's goofy, sometimes (ok, often) awkward, but in a way that engages people. So it should be no surprise that he is a great daddy. He is engaged and involved with our kiddos and they adore him. So it should have been no surprise to me that during a recent challenging moment with our foster kiddo, Jimmy handled it amazingly well. Ignoring the way she was treating him, he very calmly said repeatedly that no matter what she said in this moment or no matter what she had done, that he cares about here and is glad she is in our home. Now the statemnt in itself wasn't profound. However, over the past five years I've seen how God has moved my hubby's heart (and mine) to love and care for kids in need- THAT is profound. And super attractive. Happy Father's Day, Jimmy! I love you!

And we're back!

Last year after Andy was born, I gave up blogging because all of a sudden my free time was non existent. But I have to confess that I've missed it. It's like cheap therapy for me- writing or sharing little bits of my life. It doesn't really matter if anyone reads them or not. It's just therapeutic. And let's be honest, I can use some cheap therapy these days! Quick recap of the 18 months: had Andy in February of last year and then returned to dream teaching job at the community college for the past school year. I attempted to treat said job like a part time job and talked myself into believing that I was doing a great job as an instructor and mom. I made it to May, but there were casualties. My sanity, for one. After agonizing for a year about my decision (sorry to all who had to have the same conversation with me over and over!), I resigned from my full time dream job. I couldn't walk away completely so they are letting me teach a class here and there part time which will be good for my sanity and pocketbook! I realize it is nice to have a choice to work or not. It is a huge blessing and I'm not complaining! And about my need for cheap therapy... We reopened our foster parent license this spring. Once I decided to quit my job, I knew that this was the season to give the foster parenting another go. I was afraid if we waited, there would never be a "good time" to have your life interrupted by caring for another child. There will always be a reason why we are "too busy", so I wanted to jump back in while the call from God was still clear. We also decided to change up the ages of children we would accept in our home. Previously, we had ages 0-3. With the boys being young, I didn't think I could handle another baby. SO, we opened our license from 8-17. It was not an easy decision and we have had moments of being scared. Our #1 concern was protecting our boys. One day when I was asking God to again confirm His leading here, I read this article out of Thriving Family (awesome magazine!)

Our hands: unsterilized The great minister Norman Vincent Peale was a preacher's kid. His father, Clifford Peale, was a compassionate man, determined to help anyone who asked. One night, a woman from a local brothel phoned the Peale home. She wanted to know if the minister would come pray with a dying prostitute. Peale agreed, and when he hung up the phone, he said to his son, "Norman, put on your overcoat and come with me on an errand of pastoral mercy." Perhaps unsurprisingly, Norman's mother gasped. "You are not going to take our 10-year-old son to that place of sin," she said. "I am," the father replied. "Norman can see Jesus reaching for a sheep who was lost but wants to come home to the Father's house." Would I have taken my sons along on such a mission? Would you? Peale's story comes from a different era and culture, but it still challenges me. I wonder if we, as parents, often present to our kids a faith that has been overly sterilized, a faith that does not align with the inevitable reality of tougher times. Why should kids continue to find faith relevant if it doesn't appear viable during the good and bad? If my boys are going to learn to show God's love to our culture, I must be the one who introduces them to the needs of our culture. I need to show them how Christians care for kids who have no home, how they seek to heal marriages that are broken, how they help those who are physically and spiritually hungry. Kids need to see faith in action — a faith that isn't afraid of getting its hands dirty.

The whole article is great and the link is above. SO, we have our first placement. She has been with us two months. There have been sacrifices and adjustments... jumping in to parenting a preteen (hello, moods!) has not been easy (for me or for her!), but we love her. People say "I could never be a foster parent because it would be too hard to let them go." It is true- it is hard! When I think about our current kiddo leaving, it makes me feel sick. God keeps reminding me that He is in control and her Defender. The difficulty of letting go should not be anyone's reason to not be a foster parent- or to at least think about it, ask God if He's calling you to give it a try. I do worry about the boys- are they getting enough of my attention? Are they having to spend too much time in the car while I shuffle her to practices and appointments? My prayer is that the sacrifices they make will be a tool to mold their hearts- to teach them greater compassion, grace and gratefulness. So that's it... the Armstrong update. I plan to blog more for anyone else who wants to waste a few minutes on our story, but mostly for me to process and preserve my sanity :). It's good to be back!