One for the books

Well, the last week or so has been one for the books.

I believe that when Romans 8:28 says that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him, it is true all the time. Believing that and walking it out are two different stories, but He's given me another situation to work on it. I found out that I was pregnant a couple of weeks ago (surprise!!) and then miscarried a week later and I haven't been sure how to process it. I have done the roller coaster of infertility, adoption and now foster care. The miscarriage has been another roller coaster experience. I went from being shocked and then anxiously/excitedly pregnant (thinking about 3 kiddos under 5 + a preteen!!) to asking God "Ok, what was that about? What am I suppsed to learn here?"

In the same week, I have had some heavy conversations with our foster kiddo. In our foster parent training, they talked about how important it is to support the child's family and to not speak poorly of them. I am seeing that played out as she grapples with how to love her family, feel loyal to them and still let us embrace her and care about her. This is not an easy task for a child. She needs to hear me say that we are not trying to take her family's place. And we aren't. I was afraid of foster care when we first discussed it because I didn't want to "share" kids and have to let them go. But there is such a blessing in being able to be a tiny little part of a child's fragile restoration. To love the child in my home well, I have to love her family well.

I don't have the answers to our latest roller coaster ride or how to ease this child's heartache. Not going to lie, I'm emotionally drained, but there is peace and comfort in surrender. That is the only thing I can land on as I process the past couple of weeks. I am too tired to even try to understand what He's been bringing in my path lately. Instead, I attempt to yet again surrender my control, my agenda, my impatience, my entitlement, my expectations, my anger and frustration. Again. So here we go, Lord, thankful for another day- and never a dull moment!

Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."