Things are going well with our foster baby. She has gained weight well, so we don't have to wake her to feed anymore... although she still gets up every 2 1/2 to 3 hours anyway. Last night we had a 3 1/2 hour stretch and I was pretty excited. I've decided the sleep deprivation makes me a little socially awkward.
Between the wedding and just being out and about here, I've had lots of inquiries about her. I've had a few women look at me with hostility and say something like "Please tell me she isn't your baby" because I'm wearing my normal clothes and the baby is so young. I guess I should take it as a compliment, but it's a little awkward. Then people say things about how they don't understand how her parents will care for her well or why they will get her back. I've had people recommend us fighting to keep her. It has been emotionally draining. The thing is, our job as foster parents is to care for her and to work towards the goal of reunification with her parents. So I have to be hopeful and pulling for her parents. In this case, I think they genuinely love her and she will be ok. Will her childhood look like Samuel's? Probably not, but I have to withhold judgement that the way I do it is always the best. I do find myself having selfish thoughts like "I know I'm getting more wrinkles from the sleep deprivation and it isn't for MY child that I keep." Isn't that awful? :)
I am holding on to the fact that God called us to do this. I'm not sure of His plans. He knows we desire both to serve the children in our community, but He also knows how my heart aches to grow our family. I go back to Isaiah 58 that talks about how what pleases the Lord is working to "loose the chains of injustice (vs6)" and "spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed (vs.10)" In verse 12 it talks about being called "Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings." When I read those verses, I am thankful because I do think working with families allows us to be involved at a small level in some of these things. There should have been a verse in there, however, that says "Yes, it will be stinking hard." So I'm stuck between my desire to be a good foster parent and my desire to just move forward with growing our family NOW. I have found that God's timeline and mine are hardly ever the same, so I'm pretty sure for today I'm supposed to sit tight and wait. Oh, I hate that word... wait. :)
4 comments:
Hi guys! I just wanted to say that I completely appreciate your attitude towards fostering, as difficult as I know it is. Nothing is harder than laying aside our own judgments and ideas about what a "good" childhood looks like. You are such a blessing to the foster care system as there is such an incredible need for great foster parents to help take care of kids while their biological parents are unable to. I also appreciate your understanding of how it works and the desire to work with the families (by not working against them). Sometimes in the system our biggest struggle is not with the biological parents but with the foster parents doing everything they can do keep the child from going home. Thank you for your obedience to Him!
So proud of you guys! Those little bitties are hard work! Hope you start to get a little more rest soon. What a blessing you guys are.
You are amazing! Love you guys!
-Jordan Martin
I really doubt you have any wrinkles! lol, we enjoyed hanging out with you guys last week! It's always a refreshment no matter how little sleep either of us have had! :)
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