Today is one for the books. Since our court date was announced, thinking about it has had me emotional. The more I've processed it, the more I've realized that I've been "holding my breath" for two years. There have been so many unknowns... what is really best? What is going to happen? When? How do we process that as a family? Although the goal was changed to guardianship a year ago, it wasn't until the fall that we were fairly certain it would go through and then took another six months for it to finalize. So now... I can finally tell myself to quit holding my breath! I know that this is the finish line for part of a process, but that doesn't mean smooth sailing. However, it does mean that we don't have to have so many questions hanging us and it also means we are done with Children's Division.
The last two years have been incredible and hard. As the gal at Momastry puts it "BRUTIFUL" (brutal + beautiful). I'm an open book kind of girl, but due to the restrictions of foster care and also our kiddo's age/wanting to respect her privacy, I haven't shared much publicly. And even now, so much of this is her story to share. However, with the hopes of putting a face/a story to the need for families to get involved with foster care (especially older kiddos), I wanted to share a bit....
Almost exactly two years ago, we were in Florida over my spring break. I know exactly where we were when I received a call from my dear school social worker friend asking if I knew any foster families who might take a precious 7th grader. I didn't, plus our license was closed and we had not planned to take kids older than our boys (you know "safety" and birth order and all of that logical stuff). But that week I keep thinking, praying and talking to Jimmy. We ended up calling the case worker just to get more info. She called me back while I was by the pool, still in Florida. We got home from Florida and met this precious girl a few days later. After a couple of visits from the temporary placement she was in, she moved in with us Thursday, April 5... Easter weekend! It is painful/comical to look back now on that first time I picked her up... her DC hoodie, backpack and Converse... her brave scared face... my endless chatting filling the awkward silences with too many questions. I thought it would be a great idea to spare her meeting our huge (and wonderful, in case they are reading this!) extended fam for Easter, so we road tripped to my parents' lake house to "get away." In retrospect, I realize that I scared her again- having her hop in the car with people she barely knew to go stay out of town! At the time, it seemed like a good idea. It was the first of many mistakes we have made while trying to navigate this whole jumping in to parenting a teenager challenge.
It was only going to be a few months. That was "the plan." She was angry and scared, but still such a kind, beautiful person. I thought I would be a good foster mom to a teen since I had taught high school, worked with students at church, etc. It has been humbling to learn that I'm not as great as I thought I'd be :), but also see God's grace in helping us learn together how to do the best we can. For me, that means I've had to learn how to be humble, not controlling, thick skinned, patient and guard my emotions greatly. It has meant learning that the ideas I had for how I'd parent teens haven't always worked in this situation and that's ok. It has been a different process than parenting the boys because you don't have those infant/toddler years to just fall in love with them and adore their every move. You jump right into the moody teenage years without that attachment already present. I struggled with this at first, but decided that love is a commitment so I would keep loving her well even when that was not reciprocated and slowly, we have grown a sweet relationship that I treasure.
Because to circumstances that I won't go in to out of respect for her, the "few months" we anticipated having C with us has turned into two years and a need for what Children's Division calls "permanency". Due to several factors, we are "guardians", not "adoptive parents". As far as our daily lives go, the difference in title doesn't change much. We know it is what is best for her and her family, so we are fine with this. It is a different finish line than the way Sammy and Andy joined our family. C is definitely part of our family, but she is also very much a part of her biological family. We can't, and don't want to, replace them. C will continue to see and interact with them. So while that can be complicated, it is also beautiful.
As a mom, I am so incredibly proud of my little family. I've said before that how God has grown our family is not how I envisioned it at 20, but the ways He has brought each of the kids to us have been phenomenal. I love the verse in Ephesians that says God is able to do more than we asked or imagined... amen! Today, I am especially proud of C. She is living out daily what it means to be an OVERCOMER! She does not allow the challenges/hurts from her past to define or limit her.
I share all of this to say two things:
1) THANK YOU to so many of you who have been our support, our village. We have been blessed by friends, family, teachers, counselors and our incredible church who have gone WAY above and beyond to love us and C well. I have a whole new appreciation for the saying that it takes a village to raise a child. We have an awesome village!
2) There is a great need for foster families in our community. For us, the more we learned, the harder it was not to get involved. You can't "un-see" or "un-know" the need and we believe the Lord called us to get involved. We haven't done it perfectly and many days, we have done it poorly. God just keeps reminding me that He has called us to this and will continue to give us the grace/peace/love we need to walk through it. I know- not everyone is "called" to do it. Yes, it requires sacrifice - for you personally, for any kids in your home and for your other relationships (friends, marriage, etc.). I can say in our home, what we have gained has far outweighed any sacrifice. If you have questions about becoming a foster parent, we would love to help point you in the right direction!
And in the spirit of being really honest...while we are extremely grateful for how the Lord has orchestrated the past two years, we are emotionally worn out. We will be closing our foster care license for the time being. Eventually we will be respite foster care providers and may revisit foster care if that is something God asks us to do again in the future.
Thanks again to our "village"! Much love to you all!
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