Hands Still Up

The last month has been hectic as we moved into a new house. The move wasn't as smooth as we'd hoped as the closing was pushed due to some issues with the buyers' (of our previous home) paperwork. But we are here! The new house is starting to feel like HOME. We have met the neighbors, I can find dishes and we have painted ONE room (there are lots of pastels in this house and I'm not really a pastel kind of girl). We also had some out of town trips, VBS, hosted my mom's SURPRISE 60th birthday party, Father's Day, end of school- whew. It has been an intense, but very FUN month.

In the foster parent arena, things have been relatively quiet. Lots of waiting- have we heard this before or what?! I am constantly amazed at the turmoil in the Children's Division- SO much turnover in staff, so many changes. If we were not good advocates, it could be a scary scenario. There are so many moving parts and I have had to stay on top of all of the people we interact with in order to have follow through.

Lately foster parenting reminds me of the story of Moses in Exodus 17... the story where he stands overlooking the battle and puts his hands up and as long as his hands are up, the Israelites are winning. He gets tired and his buddies come and help him sit down, yet still hold his hands up. It was an act of faith, strength, surrender and endurance. I would say that about sums up the posture I need to be a good foster mom these days. It can get lonely and I am SO thankful for the community around us that has "held our hands up" the past year. Maybe I said this before, but as a mom, the challenging part for me is growing so close to a child, but still recognizing that I'm not her mom and leaving the space/freedom for her to maintain that bond with her mom and family. I keep saying that we hold onto her loosely, acknowledging that while we see her as part of our family, she also has incredible bonds with her family with which we cannot compete nor replace (and don't want to!). My protective mom instincts want to say "She's mine! I will take out anyone who hurts her!" However the reality is that she is not "mine" in the traditional sense and there are some painful realities that I cannot spare her from walking through. Some days, it is all pretty draining and I want to curl up and hide out, but we take it one day at a time.

I've been reading this blog lately. It's a popular one, so I'm sure lots of people have heard of her. I just ordered her book :). It is always a good reminder that people in general all are called to do or walk through hard things at some point. I love how she keeps it simple- says things like "show up, be brave and kind and focus up." When overwhelmed with doing it all "right" in a tough situation, that is good perspective.